An Introduction.

This is it.
Deep breath in; take the plunge.
I've finally worked up the nerve for a public blog.

I've been going back and forth about it for a while now. I've had the urge to get all my ideas down; things that get pushed aside, or swim around in your head and drive you to the edge.
I made excuses; "I'll never keep up with a blog," or, "no one will read it".
I've decided I do not give a fuck.
I need a place where I can just write. I can babble and cry and laugh and look back and say,
"woah. shit was crazy."
I can't stand being bottled up anymore. Lord knows I have no problem expressing my opinions, but my emotions, however...are a different story.
I've grown up in an open environment. I'm blunt--almost crudely honest. I have no problem with organizing my ideas into an honest opinion...too honest, maybe. My emotions, however, always end up scattered around. They're handfuls upon handfuls of post-it notes that someone threw into the air.
They litter streets.
So..that is why I'm here.
Excuse my manners;
Hi, hello. I'm Liv. Boston girl. Current agriculture student working to get my certification as a veterinary technician. It's my dream--my goal--to go to school for veterinary medicine. Specializing in large animals and equine science. I currently work at an ice-cream parlor, and a vet's office as a vet tech assistant.
I love the finer things in life...but I also love the smallest.
I love a boy. Plain and simple.
My lover, my Master, and my best friend.
. Our relationship is neglected and nearly abusive, not to mention long-distant.
It's incredibly, ridiculously, stupidly complicated.
We're not "together" per say. Maybe someday we'll finally have each other. Finally be happy.
Maybe not.
As of now..he needs to work on himself before we can work on us. He's a suffering addict and my heart's broken for him, but with me in his life, nothing will get better. As of now, we're not together for his own good; for his own safety.
I'll just refer to him as J from this point on.
I'll get back to that.
I love the colour red, my Morrisey glasses, photography, and haute couture make-up (which I'm pretty good at if i do say so myself). I'm raw and very, very passionate. I do try to keep an open mind, however.
Not that I'm a freakin saint or anything.
 I suffer from bipolar mania. I can be the most pleasant, polite, energetic person you will ever come across, but I go through long bouts where the sarcasm is endless, the rage is unstoppable, and the tears are inevitable.
I'm really not a bad kid, but I do have my list of vices.
I also try to be as open as possible. However, my fascination (obsession?) with the BDSM community has lead to an introduction to a Master/slave lifestyle. I can't say it's as in-depth as I want it to be, especially when my [former] Master can't care for himself, nevermind me...
But I want to expand my horizons, learn new things, and grow with J. I want him to learn to be a better Master so I can learn to be a better slave...once he's "better"
I'm not quite sure any of this makes any sense.
But for my friends who are reading this, I guess I'm coming out to you.
It's nerve-wracking and a little scary, because though I may not act like anything bothers me...your opinions mean the most to me, and I desperately want your approval. But here goes it;
I am a leather-loving, submissive masochist.
I am a slave.
I am a bitch.

I am interested in a lifestyle that many people frown upon for many different reasons..I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. I have fears and anger and darkness and dread that I hide from everyone.
But..
I'm also pretty smart. I work my ass off. I'm pretty social and I like to help and please people.

So through all the ups and downs, negatives and positives, good and bad, beautiful and ugly,
I'm just trying to take it a day at a time.

Cheers,
Livvie